Sunday, February 9, 2014

Zombie charity admits buying sharp-sticks-with-logo-on-it a mistake


Critics are attacking the Metro Zombie Foundation for its insensitive fundraising practices. A group of zombie donors has published an open letter in Metro newspapers calling for the Foundation to withdraw its latest marketing gimmick – sharp, pointed sticks with the Foundation logo on it.

The group, which includes more than 100 prominent local Zombies, many of whom are top donors to the Foundation, called the stick marketing idea “offensive and insulting to all flesh-eating creatures”. Mostly dead spokesperson Denise Snidely said the Foundation was being insensitive to its donor base.

“We walking dead creatures support our community. We donate, just like we share the living human flesh we hunt. The last thing we want is to have the charity we support hand out sharp sticks to people. That’s like our worst nightmare,” she said.

Zombies can only be killed by removing a significant portion of their brains from their bodies. Many still-living humans prefer sharp sticks or shotguns to defeat Zombies. Snidely says for too many Zombies the last thing they want to see on Earth is a sharp stick.

“I can’t imagine the horror of a Zombie seeing the Foundation logo on the stick that plunges into their forehead and stops their flesh-eating mania. It’s disgusting,” she said. “What if this sharp, pointed stick gets into the wrong hands?”

Foundation CEO Dibble Brewer defended the stick purchase, which were given out at donor recognition events, but have since been withdrawn. She says they were intended to help donors clean their teeth.

“We all know what it’s like to have a bit of clothing or a belt stuck in our rotting teeth after we bite into human tissue. We thought this over-sized tooth pick would be a great new way to reach our donors,” she said. “Many have already tried it and liked it.”

This is not the first time the Foundation has found itself in trouble with its Zombie donors. Two months ago, The Walking Dead, as the keynote speaker for its annual gala fundraiser. The Michonne character, armed with a Japanese sword, is known for killing Zombies by the dozen.
Invited to dinner
there was an outcry when the Foundation announced that it had selected Danai Gurira, the actress who portrays Michonne on the Zombie TV drama

Brewer said the selection of Gurira as a speaker was a simple mistake.

“We selected Gurira because of her award-winning work promoting continuing arts education in Zimbabwe. We never even made the connection to The Walking Dead until after we booked her. But because of the outcry, we’ve selected film-maker George A. Romero, who made the classic movie Night of the Living Dead. He should be much yummier.”

The Foundation has struggled to make its target for its current capital campaign, called The Big Bite. The $50 million dollar campaign hopes to raise a brick wall around Metro to prevent still-living humans to leave and keep Zombies from wandering the countryside, falling into holes and off cliffs.

“Despite these booboos, we’re still doing good work. We’re helping Zombies lead better mostly dead lives and making the community a nice place to…uhm…die. We ask our donors to keep on giving to the campaign and help us make a difference,” said Brewer.


We'll be on vacation for most of the rest of February. Don't panic if you don't see any new stuff from us.

Buy our stuff, Keep the jokes Coming