Thursday, February 6, 2014

NSA admits to Congress it invented social media to further its eavesdropping

Testifying about inventing social media
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The National Security Administration, the spy agency accused of listening to and watching most traffic online, has admitted before Congress to inventing social media back in 1993.

NSA head General Keith Alexander made the admission before the House Security and Intelligence Committee. Under questioning from lawmakers, Alexander said that the NSA originally thought up the idea at its infamous “Skunk Works” in Maryland in the early 1990s.

“We invented social media because we wanted to be able to track every single person in the world. All their activities. Their likes and dislikes. Their friends and affiliations. And, ultimately to monitor what they were doing practically every single minute of the day,” he admitted.

The NSA’s first foray into social media yield few results. Called Geocities, the project let users make their own websites, which the NSA then monitored and collected royalties on. The Agency added AOL Instant Messenger in 1997 to be able to track citizens wherever they were, night or day. Friendster followed soon in 2002.

“The program was amazingly successful. People from the US and around the world were willing to yield up all their personal data to us in exchange for some measly content,” said General Alexander. “Then we gave the program a twist with Wikipedia in 2003.”

The NSA had long been looking for a way to give its propaganda an air of authority, but previous attempts had been miserable failures. When it invented Wikipedia, the NSA finally had a platform that it could use to generate information with any spin they wanted.

“But I think our biggest success has been Facebook. The young NSA agent we put in charge of it, Mark Zuckerberg, did an amazing job. We gave him a backstory about being some geek kid at Harvard, but actually it took a team of 40 NSA scientists and $3 billion to make it happen,” he said.

Thanks to Facebook the NSA has been able to collect a vast array of personal information on US citizens. Alexander says by constantly updating it and keeping it in a state of disarray the NSA have been able to create more and more ways to intrude into the daily lives of ordinary folks.

“The American people should be very proud of the return-on-investment we’ve been able to give them by inventing social media. We now know more about threats against this country and which cute puppy pictures are more adorable than ever before. It was certainly worth the $100 Trillion we spent on it.”

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