Thursday, July 11, 2013

Last charity full-time job in the US filled

Last full-time job

Fern Snidely, 27, from Plano, Texas, has become the last person to be hired for a full-time, permanent job at a US charity.

Snidely, a gift processing clerk, was hired by the Metro Community Trust last week. Experts say the historic event signifies the end of a two hundred year period of permanent employment for US charities. From now on, every charity job in the country will be flimsy, short-term and fraught with hazards. Charity leaders are hailing the change as a great victory.

“This was a great day for US charities,” said Dibble Brewer, CEO of the League of Big Honking Charities, which represents the thousand largest charities in the US. “Now, we won’t have to pay the extra costs for pension, health benefits and taxes. We’ll save a bundle.”

“Employees will love it, too, because they won’t have to worry about all the hassles of having a permanent source of income and having an employer who supposedly cares about their long-term future,” he said.

Snidely said she was thrilled to be the harbinger of change in the charitable sector.

“I’m like the only person my age who has a full-time job,” she said. “I can now move out of my parent’s basement and maybe invest in a car, marry and raise a family. Those things must all be bad because US charities don’t want us to have them anymore. I must be really unlucky to have a full-time job.”

To mark the occasion, more than a hundred large US charities announced that they would only be offering month-to-month contracts for all employees, except senior executives. Others have laid off all remaining full-time employees and offered them short-term contracts that were subject to re-evaluation due to a budget review.

US charities say the move to an unstable, short-term workforce will lead to huge productivity gains as well as cost savings.

“We found that having people on short-term contracts that keep coming up for renewal is a great way to get employee’s to focus their attention,” said Brewer. “They’ll work harder because they’re always be looking over their shoulder.”

Brewer says the next big leap in charity employment will be to reduce salaries and benefits to near zero.

“We’re working on that right now. I’ve seen the projections. We should have that rolling out in no time. When we’re done. Our employees will be paying us.”