Thursday, July 25, 2013

INSTANT REPLAY - God turned down on grant application to create humankind

It's summer and we're taking some time off. Here's the most popular blog we ever wrote one more time.


God, the devine being who created planet Earth, has been turned down on an application for seed money to start a new "humankind" project by the Snidely Family Foundation. This is the second time the Foundation has turned down the project, which it calls "premature".

"The application failed to meet our basic requirements," wrote Foundation CEO Maurice Snidely in his form rejection letter. "The applicant failed to relate how the project in question will be able to meet one of the Foundation's three giving priorities -- healthy children, a sustainable environment and creating the perfect no-calorie donut. Thus, it was rejected."

The Foundation said God's plan to create humans and populate the Earth with them would never work. It noted that giving the unproven new creatures dominion over the existing life forms and nature would eventually lead to problems. "These humans don't have the experience to manage others or even themselves," the letter stated. "Giving them primacy over fish, land animals and birds would be throwing good money after bad."

The Humankind plan has been stalled since God created Earth and the rest of the universe. The first application that He made to the Snidely Foundation on the Sunday following the creation of Earth was rejected because it was past the application deadline and didn't use the proper form.

In its rejection letter, the Foundation also noted recent failures had made it wary of investing funds in projects that involved whole species of new animal creatures. "A recent anaylsis of our funding of the Dinosaur Project found that most of the outcomes were not met and in fact the animals in question largely became extinct," it noted.

"We get thousands of applications every year and we can't fund them all. Only the best projects can move forward. Yours was not one of them, but there's always next year. Good luck with future endevours," the letter concluded.

For his part, the Almighty said he was disappointed with the outcome. Next time, he plans to add some way cool graphics to his proposal, even though Rule 26B of the Snidely Foundation Application Manual specifically forbids images of any kind.