|An ancient fundraising calendar|
A team of archaeologists have made a major discovery in the office of Metro Hospital fundraising manager Jane Snidely. The team from the University of Southern North Dakota says they have unearthed evidence of up to 47 previous fundraising managers and one set of lost car keys.
The archaeologists were called in last month when renovations on Jane’s office uncovered artefacts of several previous managers. The one-week dig recovered lunch bags, name plates, business cards and personal items of dozens of fundraisers, some dating back to two years ago.
“The hospital called us in after discovering a coffee mug with the name ‘Stephen’ on it. No one could remember a Stephen working there. They immediately identified it as part of an ancient fundraising civilization that lived and worked in Jane’s office several months ago,” said Dr. Dibble Brewer, lead scientist on the excavation.
The dig netted more than 500 pounds of artefacts including notes from a previous capital fundraising
campaign that ended two years ago. Carbon dating showed the documents were at least 24 months old. Also recovered was a campaign survey by a fundraising consultant with what appears to be hamburger and ketchup stains and a guide to an ancient fundraising database with entire pages ripped out.
“From all of this, we can speculate that several different types of early fundraisers used to live and work in Jane’s office. These ancient counterparts likely did the same type of job as Jane, but with much cruder implements,” said Dr. Brewer.
For her part, Jane says the thought of sitting in the same office as fundraisers of the long-forgotten past is exciting.
“I am so amazed that we’ve been able to recover all these great artefacts from people long ago. Imagine that someone named Gary used to sit in my office six months ago trying to create an ancient giving pyramid. Or that Mary used that quaint old stapler to staple together the layoffs for the campaign staff a year ago. It just blows my mind,” said Jane.
these are destroyed by construction or the ravages of time. The stuff we recovered was mostly intact.”
“It was so well preserved that it looks like some of it was just left there last week instead of long ago.”
The university team plans to return to the site in the coming months to look for signs of other ancient fundraisers.
“We just got a call from Natalie, the Hospital’s new fundraising manager, who says she’s found additional artefacts in the office that mysteriously have the word ‘Jane’ on them,” said Dr. Brewer. “No one at the hospital knows a Jane, so it’s likely that it’s part of the same ancient civilization.”