Thursday, April 25, 2013

Mega-charity outsourcing IT department to sheep in Scotland

Employees at Metro's largest charity say their jobs are being outsourced to workers from another country. The 32 staff who work in the Cancer Trust of Metro say they were given lay-off notices last week and told their jobs we're being outsourced to sheep in the Scottish Highlands.

"The entire IT department has been canned. Now our jobs will be done by someone with wool from a another country. We're not going to stand for it," said Dibble Brewer, President of the Union of Federated Charity Slaves and Indentured Servants, which represents the workers at the Trust.

The union was told about the change a few hours before workers got their lay-off notices. Many of the employees had been working for the Trust for years. Some had 10 years experience in the IT department. None of them expected to lose their jobs to sheep.

"I can't believe it. We were just laughing at the latest requests coming into the Help Desk when we got the word that our jobs were being cut," said Turner Electrode, a five year IT worker at the Trust. "And then we learned that the entire IT department was being sent to Scotland. Now a sheep will be doing the job that we used to do. That made us all mad. And strangely curious."

Trust CEO Wendy Hairdo denied that foreign workers would be taking jobs from people in Metro.

"We are trying to save money my reducing operating expenses. So, we decided to contract all of our IT services to BAAA IT, a US-based company. Their service department is based in Scotland where they have an IT department staffed by some of the best-trained IT sheep in Europe," said Hairdo. "No sheep will be working full-time in Metro."

However, Brewer says that as part of their severance package, some workers were ordered to help train the Scottish sheep to do their jobs.

"They had to help the Trust train these sheep to do their old jobs," said Brewer.

A spokesman for BAAA IT, said none of their sheep would be working out of the Trust offices in Metro. But he did admit that several sheep did visit the office last week for a briefing.

"They are based in Scotland. They just came here to set-up our remote systems, that's all. And to get some shopping in," said Fluffy Sheepe, the company's director of public relations.

Hairdo says that the move to have sheep from Scotland do the work of the IT department will save the Trust millions of dollars over the next few years, enough to give senior Trust managers their own coffee-making machines each and a larger car-allowance.

"We're doing this so that we can spend more money doing what our donors want us to be doing -- helping people deal with cancer while having a low-fat soy latte in the comfort of our offices," she said. "Our donors will love this."

Soon after the story broke, the Trust's board of directors decided to outsource senior management to Norway Lemmings from Finland.