Thursday, April 11, 2013

Death turned down for a job in planned giving




Death, one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, has been turned down for a job as a planned giving officer with the Metro Trust Foundation.

The Grim Reaper was one of 47 people who applied for the position at the Foundation, Metro’s largest charity. He was sent a rejection letter without even being interviewed.

In the formula rejection letter, Foundation CEO Wendy Snidely praised Death for his “many strengths, positive attitude and thirst for life.”

She went on to explain that the position was a very demanding one and that the Foundation had to be very selective about whom would fill the new position.

“Planned giving is a very complex field of fundraising – wills, estate gifts and life insurance. It’s not for everyone,” explained Snidely.

In his cover letter, Death did detail his extensive experience with end-of-life issues. He said he has talked with many people facing the end of their existence and been able to “form a bond with them.” Death described himself as a “hard worker” and “committed”. He also included details on his employment, including his first fast-food jobs out of high school.

One of the questions the Foundation was about fundraising experience. Here, Death admitted that he had little direct experience. However, he did write that his work with people in end-of-life situations often involved discussions about money. He wrote that he made up for his lack of fundraising experience with a “superior understanding of the mechanics of gift planning, in all its forms.”

“I have always been an advocate of getting people to make a will. And I often advise them to leave money to charity as a way of ensuring their legacy,” he wrote.

“I have a thorough knowledge of life insurance products and how they work, as well.”

Death also included a personal reference from Famine, the third horseman of the Apocalypse, and Mr. Peabody, his now dead high school principal.

After reviewing his application in light of the rejection letter, Death did notice that his resume was not formatted correctly and that he had spelled the word “public” without the letter “l”. He also noted on second glance that he had written that he was a “stick for detail” rather than a  “stickler for detail” as he had intended. This may have contributed to his rejection.

The letter noted that the Foundation would keep Death’s resume on file and would contact him again if any other positions were posted that fitted his skill set.

In a related story, CEO Wendy Snidely was found dead this morning from an apparent accident at the Foundation. Workers found her body in the photocopy room. Police say she was somehow accidently sucked into the photocopy machine while sending out rejection letters.