Monday, October 29, 2012

Fundraising report says last campaign sucked Metro completely dry

A report by a national fundraising consultant says Metro’s largest charity has sucked all the donations that can possibly be sucked out of the city. According to the new report the Snidely Metro Hospital Foundation has done such a thorough job during their last campaign that there are no new donors left in Metro.

The report, done by New York fundraising consultants Big Invoice, found that every man, woman, child and pet in Metro gave to the Foundation’s last capital campaign. The campaign was so successful that every available donor in the entire city is on a pledge to the Foundation or has no money left except to pay for basic food and housing.

“The last capital campaign reduced Metro to a subsistence level economy. It so  completely fleeced every single penny from the people of the city that most can’t afford to make another donation in the foreseeable future,” the report concluded.

The $150 million campaign, called Until We Get Enough, was launched five years ago to pay for a new wing of the hospital. The Foundation let loose more than 50 major gift officers on the city. The ravenous fundraisers were sent back again and again to get every single person on their lists. The Foundation threw out its database and instead used the yellow pages telephone book to ensure the maximum number of potential donors. Roadblocks were set up at all city entrances and exits so that no donors could escape. More than 3,500 direct mail appeals were sent and nearly 300 donor recognition events were held.

Last month, Metro banks reported that there was limited cash in the city. Most of the loose change had been put into the Foundation’s 13,000 “Please Give” boxes at area stores and offices. Personal bankruptcies skyrocketed nearly 400 per cent.

Some 37 local charities closed their doors during the campaign, including the Metro United Way. They ran out of donations the first year after the Until We Get Enough started.

The campaign went through nearly 30,000 volunteers, changed over staff four times and had three different campaign chairs. The Snidely Metro hospital had a 67 per cent upswing in cases of nervous breakdowns and PTSD during the campaign, including all three campaign chairs.

“I just can’t believe this,” said Foundation CEO Dibble Brewer. “There’s surely got to be more money out there somewhere. I mean there was this guy at the grocery store the other day who paid with cash. Cash! I mean he could be spending that on our campaign.”

City officials have asked the Foundation to delay or cancel their planned new capital campaign, Never Say Never, due to launch next month. The $300 million campaign has Metro’s Mayor Vince Mayonnaise worried.

“I don’t think Metro could take another Foundation campaign,” he said. “The last mayor died after his 120th straight campaign event for the hospital, and he was a few years younger than me. I’m not throwing my life away like that.”

But Brewer said the new campaign will be launched right on schedule. “Nothing can stop this. Metro gave last time, so I know it can give again this time. Last time, we went after the cash and the stocks and the wills. This time, we’ll be going after the houses and  cars and first-borns,” she laughed maniacally.