Thursday, November 10, 2011

New Board Governance structure would work if only members would show up once in a while and stop demanding more sweets when they do for crying out loud…

Good news!
Metro’s largest charity has become only the third non-profit organization

in the world to adopt a new international standard for board governance. The new framework would make the Snidely Community Foundation of Hope one of the most advanced charity board of directors on Earth if it wasn’t for the fact that many of the board members never show up for meetings and those that do keep on asking for date squares instead of healthy snacks.

“The ISO298761571 Standard for non-profit board governance is the new international standard. We’re only the third Board in the whole planet to adopt it,” said Executive Director Densel Commintz. “Now, if only some of our board members would actually show up instead of making the same lame ass excuses they usually do.”

“At least some do call in and say they aren’t coming,” Cummintz continued. “Two of them just never show up. Like, never. One of them came one time, and it was like I didn’t even recognize him.”

The ISO298761571 standard includes a series of measures that call for better reporting throughout an organization. The standard includes more open board meetings and accountability. Under the new framework, board members take a more active role in setting the strategic direction for the organization and act as a second set of eyes for management to help guide future action.

“We have set a new standard for what it means to be a volunteer board member. From now on, people will turn to the Snidely Community Foundation of Hope to find out what it means to be a truly open, honest and forthright organization,” said Cummintz. “But if Leslie or Jim bring up their concerns that there aren’t enough date squares at the food table during board meetings ever again I think I will blow a gasket.”

The Foundation of Hope implemented the new standard last month when it held an open house for all stakeholders to come and talk about what governance means. It was followed by a series of workshops led by the Swiss governance experts who developed the ISO standard in Geneva only last year. More than 150 people attended the sessions. A further 300 sent in written comments online. A summary document and video were also produced and distributed.

Cummintz called the implementation of the new standard was “transformative”.

“Everyone in our organization has been consulted and they are all behind these changes. Never before has there been such consensus, such an agreement, such a harmony,” Cummintz said. “I just hope that at the next board meeting we don’t have to hear Leslie talk on and on about the problems with her kids and the sex problems she’s having with her husband. That’s just yech. It makes me dirty thinking about it. Ugh.”

The Foundation of Hope will be sharing the new model with other local charities at a governance summit next month at Metro Hall. Cummintz said she hopes other charities will also embrace the new standard.

“I hate the board. I just hate them. Things would be soooo much better if we just got rid of them all in some kind of freakish farming accident or something,” Cummintz said.

Next month’s board meeting of the Foundation of Hope will include a tour of local agricultural plants and a meat-packing plant. Everyone is invited.