Monday, September 19, 2011

Critics say Super Villain Foundation spending twice as much on fundraising as evil works

The charitable organization that supports the forces of evil on planet Earth spent millions more on fundraising costs than on actually helping do bad things last year. According to the study by the Snidely Charity Watch Centre, the Super Villain Foundation spent $500 million on supporting works of evil, but spent $657 million on raising donations.

"The donors to this charity wanted their money to go to the evil, nasty, terrible and in-human things that this Foundation does, not to pay for more fundraisers. But that's exactly what happened last year," said Snidely Charity Watch Centre CEO Dibble Snidely. "The Super Villain Foundation has their priorities all wrong."

The Foundation, created during the 1960s, is one of the world's largest charities with branches in every country in the world, except the Vatican. It employs more than 5,000 people worldwide, including 1,500 in its secret underground location in an extinct volcano on a Pacific island near Hawaii. The Foundation raises money for a variety of programs, including seed money for new evil projects, academic research into death rays and other evil weapons and education projects aimed at creating a new generation of evil leaders, such as the US-based Tea Party movement.

It is also the largest fundraising organization in the world, raising on average nearly $1 billion every year. However, an analysis of the Foundation's annual reports by the Snidely Charity Watch Centre show that fundraising costs have been steadily rising every year. Last year, it spent twice as much on fundraising costs as it did just four years ago.

"The Foundation's fundraising costs have gone through the roof. Partly, this is due to the new fundraising software they implemented this year based on Raiser's Edge. But most of the increased fundraising cost was spent on advertising and salaries," said Snidely.

According to research by the Snidely Charity Watch Centre, the Foundation has some of the highest paid fundraisers on Earth, good or bad. Chuck Armageddon, the CEO of the Foundation and Chief Development Officer, reported a salary of more than $27 million in tax filings last year. The Foundation's four top executives each made more than $20 million except one who was paid in human sacrifices and chicken blood.

The Foundation also spent millions on advertising, including a surprising $150 million on online fraud schemes involving a lawyer who has a client in Nigeria who wants to give you tens of thousands of dollars if you will only share your banking information with them. It also invested $45 million in publishing, including several tabloid newspapers such as the now defunct News of the World in London.

A spokesman for the Foundation, Johnny Deathshead, said that the increasings costs were a symptom of the increasing competition the charity faces.

"Are donors are busy. They have many things on their mind. Sometimes they don't have time to think about enslaving the world and such. We understand that," Deathshead said. "At the same time, there has been an increase in the number of evil charities vying for attention. They all do great work and we welcome their presence, even if we sent a few of them a time bomb disguised as a cake a few months ago. It just means that we're all having to have smaller slices of the evil fundraising pie."

Despite the numbers, Foundation donors seem to be willing to give the charity a chance. The Rich Industrialists Trust is a giving foundation that gave the Super Villain Foundation a $45 million grant to help develop women's evil projects in Third World countries. CEO Fat Cat Jones said they understand the situation the Foundation is in.

"Donors are sometimes unfair in the way they judge charities. If the Super Villain Foundation was a for-profit business we wouldn't be having this discussion. People would just accept this as the price of doing business. So, we're going to be giving the Foundation the benefit of the doubt. They do good work. I mean evil work. Sorry," he said.

In a related story, someone stole the entire Snidely Charity Watch Centre building from downtown Metro yesterday. Bystanders saw a strange blue light appear from the clouds and minutes later the building and all the people who worked in it had disappeared. No one has seen or heard from them since. Authorities suspect it was vaporized in a gas leak explosion.