Study finds most donor “Likes” on Facebook are actually mistakes, a sign of arthritis or call for help

Most clicks are mistakes, says survey

A new study says most donor “Likes” on US charity Facebook pages are either mistakes, some kind of finger-spasm or a call for help because they fell down and can’t get up.

The study surveyed more than 5,000 donors who said they had “Liked” a charity Facebook page. Published in the Journal of Anthropological Philanthropy, the study says most “Likes” aren’t really “Likes”.

“More than 70 per cent of them were not in fact trying to reach out and connect with a charity. They were doing other things,” said survey leader Dr. Gordon Simple of the University of Southern North Dakota.

More than a quarter of the donors say they hit the “Like” button by mistake. Many complained that they hit the button just to make the pop-up graphic or email “just go away” and had no intention of actually trying to connect with the charity. “It was easier to hit Like than just tell them to bug off,” wrote one donor.

Fifteen per cent hit “Like” to because they were intoxicated and not responsible for their actions, and were likely a danger to themselves and others. Ten percent said they hit “Like” to every Facebook page they can find in a desperate attempt to bring meaning to their otherwise empty existence. “I Like everyone, even charities,” wrote another donor.

A further ten percent said they suffered from a unique form of arthritis that causes finger spasms and often wind up “Liking” Facebook pages by mistake.  A small group, about eight percent, said they had hit “Like” because they had fallen down, couldn’t get up and the only thing they could do to get help was try clicking their computer mouse. They also asked researchers to call their niece who lives down the street to come and get them back up on their feet.

The remaining donors in the study said they were victims of a vast conspiracy or were in fact Elvis.

Charity leaders have hailed the study as further proof that the sector has mastered social media.

“This clearly shows that US charities have become masters of Facebook. The fact that these donors Like them is an amazing achievement,” said Dibble Brewer, CEO of the League of Big Honking Charities. “We’ve finally arrived.”

Staff competition for biggest, coolest water bottle gets out of hand

Metro’s largest charity has brought in new rules after an informal competition amongst staff for the biggest, coolest water bottle took a nasty turn last week.

The CEO of the Metro Hospital Trust put her foot down after a food fight broke out in the lunch room. Two people were injured. Police were called in, but no charges were filed. Witnesses say the altercation started when one worker made a joke about the finance director’s giant, yellow water bottle.

“Sue and Jane have been going at it for months, bringing in increasingly outlandish water bottles that they are constantly sipping on. So, when Sue told Jane that her water bottle looked like Big Bird, they just started going at each other,” said Dibble Brewer, an annual gifts officer.

Staff at the Trust have been using larger and more elaborate water bottles for months. It began when Joe from planned giving started using a bright green, extra-large water bottle. Major gifts officer Wendy followed a few days later with an even larger blue bottle with a red-striped straw. The water bottles began to become larger, more colourful and with more eccentric straws and openings.

“I don’t know how it happened,” said CEO Sulu Snidely as she sipped on her four foot tall water bottle through an enormous two foot long bendable straw. “Soon, people were using shopping carts to carry their water bottles around. I had to put a stop to it.”

The water bottle craze went up and down. One week staff brought in all steel water bottles. The next it was see-through bottles. Another week saw green-coloured bottles. Then they started getting larger. Near the end, some staff were lugging 64 ounce jugs around, even though they weighed nearly 50 pounds.

“I just wanted to have a nicer jug than that smug fundraiser Wendy. She was flouting her autographed Motley Crew all-metal water bottle with super-bendy straw and I just couldn’t take her smugness. So, I got a 50 pound jug,” said Turner Lerner, manager of communications. “I sprained my back and had to take a week off work. It hurt, but I know it hurt Wendy even more. And that made it somehow okay.”

The new rules now restrict all water bottles to a standard, semi-transparent blue size with no bendy straw or cup. While staff have been following the new policy, some are upset about it.

“I spent $150 on fancy water bottles and now I can’t use them at work. What am I going to do with them,” asked Zelma Fasciitis, a major gifts officer.

Snidely says the new rules won’t impact the new office coffee cup craze which has seen staff bring in ever-larger and more exciting coffee cups in the past week.

“That’s different,” she said sipping coffee from her 20 ounce coffee cup in the shape of a lion. “That’s just individual expression.”

In a related story, the Trust has called in health experts to determine why staff are urinating so much. Snidely says think it could be related to the new air conditioning system they recently installed.  

New Pokemon-type trading card game for Fundraising released

Japanese toy giant Stuphendwo has come up with a new Pokemon-style trading card game based on fundraising. Called Philanthromon, the new game will feature a host of battling fundraising creatures including major gift officers, planned giving consultants and cranky signature donors.

The brainchild of Japanese trading game designer Kenji Snidely, players take on the role of a Philanthromon trainer. They use their Philanthromon creatures to attack other player’s creatures.  The game is won when one player runs out of Philanthromon or if a capital campaign is announced.

“This really is a great a game for both kids who want to know how fundraising works or for adults who fundraise or donate,” said Dibble Brewer, Stuphendwo USA President. “They will not only learn about philanthropy, but also have fun getting a mythical creature to beat up an opponent’s mythical creature in a sort of indirect violent way or something.”

The game features trading cards that look very similar to Pokemon cards. Each outlines the creature’s hit points (HP), attacks and defences. If the damage from an attack exceeds the defending Philanthromon’s HP, it is knocked out. The attacks are customized to each creature.  AdminAssistantChu, a liquid-type Philanthromon, has attacks such as “Schedule” and “Coffee Run” while GrumpyDonorChu, an Earth-type Philanthromon, has “Calls & Complains” and “Talks to Friends”. Like Pokemon, Philanthromon creatures can evolve and change. GrumpyDonorChu, for example, is the Stage 1 evolution of CrazyDonorChu and FinanceDirectorChu is the Stage 2 evolution of Donut.

“The game offers a level of complexity and skill that rivals all the other current trading card games like Pokemon, Magic and The Tea Party Movement,” said Brewer. “But it also offers unique characters that players can’t find anywhere else, like ExecutiveDirectorChu and ITahcu.”

The reaction from the fundraising community has been positive. Pre-orders for the game have already exceeded 100,000 units.


“This is really an addictive game,” said Dennis Smiley, the CEO of the League of Big Honking Charities. “Last night, Bendy, Jill and Bill and I were playing for hours. Jill played her GiftProcessorChu with a 30-point ‘Not recieptable’ attack to knock out my MajorGiftachu, but then I countered with a ‘TakeDownServer’ attack by my ITachu and beat her pants off!”

However, early reviews by toy and game sector critics have been negative. USA Toy Buying & Bowling League magazine panned the game for being “boring, just like fundraisers.”

“This is a well-executed trading card game from Stuphendwo. Everything about it is exciting, except its topic. Fundraisers were never this interesting or exciting.”

$1 Billion lawsuit claims charity finance directors have better pens, paperclips than rest of staff

Who gets the best?

US charity finance directors are being accused of buying better stationery and office supplies for themselves rather than their colleagues, according to a new $1 billion class-action lawsuit.

The civil action, filed yesterday in New York City, alleges that the directors of finance at some 15,000 US charities have conspired to deprive their colleagues of quality pens, paperclips, staplers and other office supplies.

None of the allegations in the suit have been proved in court.

The lead lawyer for the plaintiffs says the finance directors have been getting better supplies for years. Dibble Brewer says US charity workers have had enough.

“We have thousands of cases across the country where finance directors have bought jumbo paperclips for themselves and then insisted the rest of their colleagues use the smaller, cheaper ones,” said Brewer.

Special Chairs

The lawsuit also claims that finance directors have consistently purchased fountain and rollerball pens for themselves, while asking other staff to use cheap, disposable ballpoint pens that come by the dozen.

“We have evidence from one of the largest charities in Metro that shows that the finance director bought a $32.00 Retro Limited Edition Pop Series Mom Tornado Rollerball Pen from Fahrney's Pens while she insisted that staff use the promotional pens she picked up from a pest control supplier,” said Brewer.

The plaintiffs say they plan to introduce evidence from charity finance conferences and publications which
show a pattern of deliberate purchasing. They point to the USA Charity Finance Fun conference is Las Vegas last year which ran a seminar in office supply spending entitled “Getting the best and sticking it to the rest.” A recent charity finance book, “How to be an arrogant charity finance professional”, devoted a whole chapter to the issue of buying better staplers than other staff.

Snidely says office supply stores are playing along. He noted that several of the largest US chains are now offering special, high-quality products just for charity finance directors. One such catalogue sells a special “Finance Leader Chair” that features top quality, luxurious leather upholstered seating surface appointed with refined details “that only a director of finance at a bustling charity deserves.”

In response the League of Charity Finance Directors issued a statement that the allegations in the lawsuit are “false and malicious” and vowed to contest the action in court.

“We don’t treat staff differently. We buy office supplies based on need,” said spokesperson Wendell Badhairdo. “It just so happens that our members need better pens and paperclips because of the important work they do and because it better suits their delicate sensibilities and tastes.”

Public trusts fundraisers above used car salesmen for the first time in a decade, according to new survey

A new public opinion survey shows that Americans now trust fundraisers more than used car salespeople.

The annual survey on professionals the public trust was  conducted last month by the Center for Public Trust And Niceness. It found, that out of 100 professions, fundraisers rated higher than used car sales people for the first time in a decade.

“This is a major breakthrough. For the first time in a long time, we’ve scored higher than the guys who sell old, smelly cars. This is a testament to the professionalism of American fundraisers,” said Bo Snidely, CEO of The League of Fundraisers of America.

In the survey, fundraisers were rated 92. Used car salespeople came in at 93. Members of Congress came 94 and Rutabaga Farmers were 95. Convicted felons were 100. Once again, doctors were in the first spot, followed by Animals That Can Talk in second place and The Kardashian Family in third.

Last year, fundraisers were rated in the 97th spot, just above bankers.

This year saw a major drop in charity event planners and charity finance directors. Both dropped significantly to finish in the middle of the top 50. Congressional Lobbyists sky-rocketed from the 78th spot to 12th, thanks in part to a slick advertising campaign that featured attack ads aimed at other professions.

In written responses, fundraisers were noted to be “less icky” than morticians and substantially more trustworthy than convicted felons and people claiming to be aliens. People also noted that fundraisers appear to be well-groomed and did not “smell too bad.”

On the negative side, people commented that fundraisers are always asking people for money and were “slightly boring.”

“This just goes to show how significant fundraising has become in our society. I think America has really embraced the role of fundraising in a powerful new way,” said Snidely. “We’ve finally arrived.”

Snidely says the League is hoping to crack the 90 barrier next year with a new ad campaign aimed at reminding fundraisers across the country to be nice, at least during the survey period.

“I think next year we’ll make 89 or maybe even 85. We’re one fire,” he said. “There’s no stopping us now.”